How To Wipe Your Butt Using Natural TP

First, a history lesson… did you know commercially produced toilet paper didn’t begin circulating until 1857? That’s pretty recent compared to the history of modern man so there MUST be other ways to wipe your bum, right?

  1. Rocks — Yes, rocks are my most preferred method especially if you’re near a river and you can find smooth river rocks. The jagged, edgy rocks on a mountain top can be used too but you need to be extra careful and gentle. I use one rock per pass and then just place it on the pile I created. I prefer a rock at least 2" x 3" and 1/2" wide is nice. I use as many rocks as necessary until I see know more poop on the rock after wiping and I’m feeling pretty clean.
  2. Sticks — Similar to rocks, and really all methods, each piece receives only one pass by my bum. Sometimes, while I’m passing the stick I also give it a little turn so as to cover more of its surface area and get the most out of my stick. While I’m doing my business I look around for a stick that is about 1/2" in diameter that I can break into sections about 4" long. Then, I peel off whatever bark I can and remove as many nubs as possible. Use as many as needed until the stick is clean and so is your bum. Then, simply place the stick on your beautiful creation.
  3. Snow — Snow works well because the wetting effect can help clean you better. If the snow if dry and powdery it may be more difficult to wipe yourself clean without accidentally breaking through to your hand. If you can pack the snow that’s great and you can shape it as you desire. Just remember, when using snow, there will definitely be a “pucker factor” when that 32F water touches one of your most sensitive areas of anatomy. For me, it’s a bit too much to handle. I guess I’m sensitive like that.
  4. Moss — I came across moss as a very preferred natural TP during a 3-week trip on the northern slopes of Alaska close to the Arctic Ocean. There’s not much out there growing by way of trees or shrubs but there is plenty of moss, everywhere! Further, I was able to peel back a huge clump and it served as a great cat-hole. Then, I could just cover it up easily afterward. Moss is great because it’s a little wet, soft and has a descent fragrance. The only real downside is it can crumble a bit upon wiping so your left with some residual nature in your butt crack. But really, it’s not all bad and a good shaking or cheek flapping should release anything left behind (get it?).
  5. Pine Cones — Yup, I know, it sounds scary but bare with me. If you can find some smaller pine cones that haven’t opened up AND if you wipe WITH the grain than you may have found a great solution. Again, be careful of any sap if it is freshly fallen.
  6. Water — Finally, if you have a water bottle and can spare the water, you can pour it down your backside so it runs down your crack or squirt it right up your butt like a bidet. Woo Hoo! This could also be a great Stage 2 clean-up after using any of the above methods. Ahh, how good it feels!

There’s nothing like being one with nature and using natural TP will get you that much closer.

Sharing is caring and what’s more caring than helping people clean their butt, naturally?

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Kevin Strauss

Kevin Strauss

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Fan of the "rabbit hole"… how far will I go? KevinRStrauss.com - balanced wellness, emotional health, endurance sports & more